Here’s the raw, the bad and the ugly - straight off my Moleskine notebook.


MUM: (shouting out) Who's doing the dishes tonight?

DAUGHTER 1: (shouting back) I will, mom!

DAUGHTER 2: You did the dishes yesterday; I'll do them today.

DAUGHTER 1: Oh, I don't mind doing them again.

DAUGHTER 2: You always get away with doing the dishes.

DAUGHTER 1: Why is my happiness so inconvenient to you?

DAUGHTER 2: Unbelievable. Have you stopped to consider that maybe I’d like to do the dishes too?!

DAD: Girls, enough! (Pause) I'll do the dishes.

V.O.: Mrs. Meyer's Rosemary Dish Soap

'Makes cleaning too pleasant'


LOVEBIRD 1: Hey love, how about you cook today and I do the dishes?

LOVEBIRD 2: It’s okay, honey, I can do the dishes.

LOVEBIRD 1: No… I said it first. I’ll do the dishes.

LOVEBIRD 2: Stop being a child. I’m in charge of the dishes.

LOVEBIRD 1: Why? I think I deserve doing the dishes too!

LOVEBIRD 2: And I deserve someone who will always let me do the dishes!

LOVEBIRD 1: Good luck finding someone like that.

LOVEBIRD 2: (Pause) Fine, we’ll order take away.

LOVEBIRD 1: Okay – but I’m doing the dishes.

V.O.: Mrs. Meyer's Honeysuckle Dish Soap

'Makes cleaning too pleasant'


HOUSEMATE 1: Dinner was delicious! I’ll do the dishes now.

HOUSEMATE 2: Don’t worry, man. You sit and relax.

HOUSEMATE 1: No way. If you cook, then, I clean… That’s the deal.

HOUSEMATE 2: You can cook next Sunday. I’ll do the dishes.

HOUSEMATE 1: Please, I insist. I want to do the dishes.

HOUSEMATE 2: No. Go clean your own mess.

HOUSEMATE 1: What do you mean?

HOUSEMATE 2: I mean that I’m doing the dishes!

HOUSEMATE 1: If you do the dishes, I’m moving out.

HOUSEMATE 2: You leave me no choice.

V.O.: Mrs. Meyer's Peppermint Dish Soap

'Makes cleaning too pleasant'




Two guys, in business suits, bump into each other after grabbing their mid-morning take away coffee. They walk back to work together. GUY 1 pats his friend on the back, who remains absent minded.

GUY 1: What’s cooking up in the office today, man?

GUY 2: Well, you see, I’m having a bit of trouble writing a TVC for this accident insurance company. They have a great policy that covers 100% of base costs, direct customer support and it only costs 9.99 Euros per month.

GUY 1: That’s pretty rad.

GUY 2: I betcha.

GUY 1: Well... You could just have two guys praising about it, like we are.

GUY 2: That’s been done before.

GUY 1: Okay, so... You could go for the shock effect. (delivering) “The unexpected can hit you any moment.” Two guys, such as you and I, chatting, crossing the road and then, (clapping his hands) “BAM!”

GUY 1 taps his forehead, knocking on wood. 

SFX: A car skids off. “BAM!” It hits both friends in the blink of an eye. Camera pans out as people run to their help.

V.O.: If you saw it coming,

(Suncorp Health Insurance)

‘Don’t touch wood’




A man struggles against a snowstorm to reach the top of a remote mountain. He discerns an abandoned temple across the fog and runs in for shelter. Inside, he finds nothing but stone, emptiness and a glimmering oil lamp.

He rubs the dust off it and a blue genie squeezes out.

GENIE: “Today is your luckiest of days. I will grant you three wishes. Think of it and it’ll be yours.”

MAN: “I want… (Sneezing) A-TISSUE!”

A Kleenex appears in the man’s hand.

MAN: “No, I want… (Sneezing, again) A-TISSUE!” 

A box of Kleenex materializes in front of him.

MAN: “No, I meant I want… (Sneezing, once more) A-TISSUE!” 

Boxes of Kleenex fill the temple.


V.O.: ‘There when you need it’


Grease pics.jpg


A look-alike remake of the final scene in ‘Grease’:

DOODY: I can’t believe it. Danny Zucco turned Jock?

DANNY: That’s right.

SONNY: What are you doing, deserting us?

DANNY: Oh, c’mon guys, you know you mean a lot to me. It’s just that Sandy does too and I... I’m going to do anything I can to get her, that’s all.








DANNY: Sandy!

(Prelude to ‘We Go Together’ soundtrack)





SANDY: Tell me about it, stuu- (d)

(The school’s security guard appears out of nowhere and grabs Sandy by the arm)

GUARD: This is a no smoking area, young lady! I’m walking you out. (As they leave, to the crowd) Show’s over everyone!

(Fin Electronic Cigarettes)

V.O.: ‘No interruptions’